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don't kick the animals, man
 
 
A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals."

The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig so you're not getting any bacon."

Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked the cat and the boy said, "Mom should I tell him?"

make a sentence
 
 
Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'defense,' and 'detail.' Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply:

'Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!'
army police brutality
 
 
Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked.
"What are you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"
"I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!"
things your mom would never say to you
 
 
  1. How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
  2. Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.
  3. Let me smell that shirt - don't worry, it's good for another week.
  4. Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.
  5. That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
  6. Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
  7. The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.
  8. Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.
  9. Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?
  10. Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

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