Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 203

Whatever


top 15: why hockey is better than sex
 
 
  1. It's legal to earn money playing hockey
  2. Many people play hockey even after they're married
  3. The puck's always hard
  4. The protective equipment is reusable
  5. It lasts at least an hour
  6. A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon
  7. You always know how big the stick is
  8. You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding
  9. You can change players on the fly
  10. You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up
  11. Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds
  12. Your parents cheer when you score
  13. Periods last only 20 minutes
  14. You're sure to get it at least twice a week
  15. You can tell your friends about it afterwards
please grab!
 
 
A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn't work.The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special. All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"

The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he could help. She explained that she wanted to return the non-working toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.

Once again she yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"

The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase. She replied, "Because I like my tits grabbed when I'm getting screwed!"

uncle ted's morals
 
 
Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true story with a moral so he goes home and thinks about it all night and finally has one.

The following day, Suzy raises her hand first and says, "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."

The teacher asks for the moral to the story. Suzy replies, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Next is Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm, too, and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched. The moral is, don't count your chicks before they are hatched.'

Billy is last to speak. He says, 'My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam War. His plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, with only a parachute, a bottle of bourbon, a machine gun, and a machete. As he floated down he drank the bottle of bourbon. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 North Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade broke on his machete, so he killed the last 10 with his bare hands.'

The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.

Billy replies, "Don't f**k with my Uncle Ted when he's been drinking.'

genetics gone horribly, horribly wrong
 
 
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes!


Page 204 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»