Whatever jokes

"Good Lord!" he screamed. "One of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over. Suddenly, the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order!

Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. Most of the passengers seemed to feel better on hearing this, and they sat down as the pilot walked to the front of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crewmember attached the package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"

The pilot said, "Yes, they are."

The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded.

"We're just going to get help."

A lady came to his tomato stand and said 'how much are these tomatos?' The man said 'Only fifty cents'. Than she asked 'are they fresh?' The man said 'Very, very fresh'. She then asked, 'Can I buy one?' The man said, 'Not today maybe tomorrow.'

A thief comes and said 'I'm a thief how much money do you have?' The Tomato Seller said, 'Only fifty cents'. The thief said, 'Are you being fresh with me?' The Tomato seller said 'Very, very fresh'. The thief said 'Alright, that's it. I'm going to shoot you.' The Tomato Seller said 'Not today maybe tomorrow!"

The moral to this story is: If you go to a foreign country, learn as much of the language as possible!'

At this big hippie festival, people run around naked, drink and do drugs, or as George W. Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for President.

Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!