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lost & found
 
 
One day, on a notice board, a message was written:

'A parker pn lost if found plz return to me' The next day, another notice was put up:

'If anybody finds an E plz add it to the spelling of PEN'
face sabbatical
 
 
Can I borrow your face for a few days?

My ass is on vacation.

a child's prayer
 
 
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

bad drivers
 
 
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, 'Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'

Herman says, 'I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!'


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