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'Okay. for my first wish I want one million dollars,' said the man. And, in a poof of smoke, one million dollars appeared.
'Hmm... but now my ex-wife has two million dollars,' said the man, 'But, for my next wish, I want a five-story manson." And, in a poof of smoke his house turns into a five-story manson. 'But now my ex-wife has a twenty-story manson,' said the man.
'And now, for your last wish?' asked the genie. 'Hmmm... YES! I have the greatest wish yet. Why didn't think of this earlier?!' replied the man. 'For my last wish, I want you to beat me half to death!!!' '
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40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only
sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
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- The spouse who snores the loudest always falls asleep first.
- The product you are most embarrassed to be buying must be price-checked over the P.A.
- The heavier the load, and the farther you must carry it, the more your nose itches.
- The original will be found when a replacement is bought.
- When you have a deadline, the printer always runs out of toner.
- When you have to get up early, the 'snooze' alarm is ten times longer than normal.
- Technical instructions are in three languages: Spanish, French, and Geek.
- Any Disney movie will be boycotted by some religious union with nothing better to do.
- After typing a multi-page report, Windows will perform an 'illegal operation' and erase your work.
- Traffic is only bad on days that end in 'y.'
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"I have two piece of bad news," said Boris Yeltsin. "One, God does exist. Two, all of the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."
"I have some good news and some bad news," said Bill Clinton. "First, the good -- God does exist. And the bad -- the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."
"I have some great news!" said Bill Gates. "One, I'm one of the three most important people on earth. Two, we've got this Y2K thing solved!"
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