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retired marine
 
 
A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked,

"Do you have any military experience?"

The Marine replied, "Why, yes! I've been in the Marines for a couple of years."

"I see," said the interviewer, "any disabilities?"

The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. "Well... In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles."

The interviewer, quite shocked, said "All right, you're hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am."

"Wait wait!" shouted the Marine, "When do the others start? I don't want any special treatment just because of my disability."

The interviewer replied, "Well... I'll tell you the truth. Everyone normally comes at 7:00 in the morning, but nothing gets done until 10. All we do is sit around, scratching our nuts trying to figure out what to do."

social security applicant
 
 
The elderly man told his wife he was going to sign up for social security. She says, 'You can't do that, you lost your birth certificate.'
He says, 'Oh I'll talk them into it.'

So when he returns the next day, he is all smiles and says, 'I'm all signed up and no problems.' '
Well, how did you do that?' she asks.
He replies, 'I took off my shirt and showed her all the gray hair on my chest, and showed her all the gray hair on my head.'
The wife states, 'Well, why didn't you drop your pants, we could have gotten disability.'

shaky arms hotel
 
 
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.  Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager.  The manager says he'll be right up.  The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"

So he lies down next to the wife.   Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

jack and jill and modern economics
 
 
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both with a buck and a quarter.

Jill came down with two fifty. Go figure.

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