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lawyer on his deathbed
 
 
A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."

"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
gross, grosser, grossest ii
 
 
What's grosser than gross?
Ten babies in one mail box.

What's grosser than that?
One baby in ten mailboxes.

What's grosser than that?
Biting into a pickle and finding a vein.

What's grosser than that?
A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor.

What's grosser than that?
A girl thinking she has crabs only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.

rubics cube
 
 
What's the similarity between a Rubics Cube and a penis?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
the drunk
 
 
There was a man who would come home blind drunk every night and vomit in the bathroom sink, and every night the man's wife would warn him that someday he would puke up his guts.

One day the wife cut up a chicken and left the guts in the sink, just to give him a scare. At about 3:00 a.m. the man came home and spewed in the same sink as always. About 30 minutes later, the man came out of the bathroom and said to his wife,'You were right honey, I really did puke up my guts, but don't worry, with the help of this long wooden spoon, I managed to put them all back."

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