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"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors."JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you."CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up."MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day."SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend."DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around."MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control."CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way)."APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled."NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality."SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left."PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos."REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect."GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
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The girl in the church has a soul full of hope, and the girl in the bathtub...
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The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!"
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The Personnel Manager goes over her resume and explains to her that he regrets he has nothing worthy of her. The woman answers that she really needs work and will take almost anything. The Personnel Manager hems and haws and finally says he does have a low skill job on the Tickle-Me-Elmo line and nothing else. The woman happily accepts.. He takes her down to the line and explains her duties and that she should come in at 8am the next day. The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Tickle-Me-Elmo line manager comes in and starts ranting about the woman just hired. After screaming for 15 minutes about how badly backed up the assembly line is, the Personnel Manager suggested he be shown the problem.
Together they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line is the woman just hired. She has pulled over a roll of the material used for the Elmos and has a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and takes 2 marbles and starts sewing them between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager starts to kill himself laughing and finally after 20 minutes of rolling around, he pulls himself together and walks over to the new employee and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I wanted you to do was give Elmo two test tickles."
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