Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » humor 326

Whatever


panda bear
 
 
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

blonde mixup
 
 
How do you know when a blondes been having a bad day?

Shes got a tampon behind her ear, and she's lookin 4 her pencil.

rebel-rousing nuns
 
 
There are three nuns in a sanctuary who are about to go out into the real world for the first time. About a month after they've all left, one of the nuns comes back to the priest and says, " Father ive sinned,"

The priest asks, "How?"

She says, " Ive stolen from a store."

He replies, "Drink this holy water and your sins shall be washed away." So she drinks the water and leaves.

The next day the second nun comes in and says, " Father, I have sinned."

So the priest asks, "How?"

She answers, "I had sex."

So he says, "Drink the holy water and your sins shall be washed away." She drinks the water and leaves.

The third nun walks in laughing hysterically, and says, " Father, I have sinned."

He asks, "How?"
She replies, "I peed in the holy water."

breast stroke
 
 
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."


Page 327 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»