Whatever jokes

"I saw an airshow. And it was very fascinating."

"Good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" She then calls on a girl sitting off to the left.

"I saw some monkeys. They were very fascinating."

"Good, but I wanted you to use the world 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" Billy's hand shoots up into the air and she calls on him.

"Teacher, teacher! I got one!"

"Go ahead, Billy."

"My sister's shirt has ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fascinate."

She squeezes his doughnuts!

1. You wake up face down on the pavement.
2. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
4. You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office.
5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
6. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
7. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
8. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
9. You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
10. Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
11. Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
12. Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
13. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
14. You wake up and your braces are locked together.
15. You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
16. Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
17. Your paycheck bounces.
18. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
19. Your pet rock snaps at you.
20. Your wife says, 'Good morning, Bill' and your name is George.