- ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children. - ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping. - ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. - ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap. - ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost. - ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head. - ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.) - ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating. - ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body. - ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery. - ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
- ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only. - ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use. - ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts. - ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. - ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
Failed merger: Yahoo and Netscape. Net 'n Yahoo didn't work out because they would have to relocate the headquarters located in Tel Aviv.
Proposed merger: Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers, to be called Fairwell Honeychild.
Rumored merger: Wurlitzer with Xerox. They are going to market reproductive organs.
Possible merger: Warner Brothers, Polygraph Records and Keebler -- to be called... Poly-Warner-Cracker.
3M and Goodyear merger: mmmGood
John Deere and Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco and Dakota Mining: Dip Audi Do Da
Swissair and Cheseborough-Ponds: Swisschese
Honeywell, Imasco and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home
Luvs Diapers and Hertz Rent-a-Car: Luv Herts
Upjohn and Chuckie Cheese Pizza: UpChuck
White Castle Burgers and Glad Trash Bags: White Trash Bags
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