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the tomato family
 
 
The Tomato family is walking down the street. There's the mama tomato, the papa tomato and baby tomato.
They're walking at a good pace when the baby starts lagging behind. Papa tomato starts getting mad. By the third block papa is so furious that he runs back and with his fist, squashes baby tomato.
He smiles and says, 'Ketchup!'
how to get a raise
 
 
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?'

'In 3 months.'

oh, god, help me find a safe house
 
 
There was a young man whose parents beat him all the time, so he went to his next-door neighbor for help.
"What about your grandparent's house?"
"They beat me too."
"What about your aunt and uncle's?"
"They beat me too."
"Well, where do you think you should live?"
"With the Oakland Raiders. They never beat anyone."
octopus love
 
 
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand....

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