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the vacuum business sucks
 
 
One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door in a new neighborhood. The salesman goes and knocks on a door. A mean looking woman answers but the salesman decided to go ahead and try to sell her a vacuum.

Before she can say a word, the man walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor. Then he says, 'Ma'am, just to show you how good my vacuum works, if it can not pick up every last piece of these cow patties I will eat them.'

The woman smiles and asks, 'You want ketchup with that?'

The salesman not understanding inquires, 'Why do you ask?'

The woman replies after wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes, 'Well we just moved in and haven't got the electricity turned on yet.'

mary had a little lamb
 
 
Mary had a little sheep
With this sheep
She went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.
women rock
 
 
What do women and rocks have in common?

You skip the flat ones

the cross-eyed cow
 
 
One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy. About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt. The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow.

"What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified.

"Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on."


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