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shopping for toilet paper
 
 
Q: What did Shakespeare say while he was shopping for toilet paper?

A: 2-Ply or not 2-Ply? That is the question.
pre-paid plan
 
 
A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!

She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.

By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"

The fireman says, "No!"

The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."

a little help from the shakes
 
 
There was a 40 year old man called Ian, and he had a girlfriend, Edna, who was 80 years old. They only saw each other on Saturdays. He would go to Edna's house every Saturday, without fail. They would sit down next to each other and Edna would hold Ian's penis, then Ian would go home after so long.

One week Ian never turned up, but Edna thought nothing of it. Three more weeks went by, and again Ian never turned up. By this time Edna was very concerned about him. She phoned him up and asked, "Where have you been the last four Saturdays?"

Ian replied, "I have been round at Margret's house."

Shocked Edna shouted, "MARGRET? She is 98 years old, what the hell has she got that I haven't?"
Ian answered, "Parkinson's desease!"

500 lawyers in the ocean
 
 
What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.


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