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poor old man
 
 
An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day"

The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?"

The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"

sex on the beach
 
 
A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets a girl with no legs, crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been hugged," she says. The guy hugs her, but she continues crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been kissed," she says. The guy kisses her, but she continues crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been screwed," she says. The guy picks her up and throws her into the water.

"There," he says. "Now you're screwed."

cousin jack falls apart
 
 
One friend was talking with another friend about his cousin who recently passed away.

"By the time cousin Jack died he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm."

"Where did they burry him?'"

"Duh - they didn't bury him, he was recycled!"

creative writing
 
 
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"


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