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may i borrow the car?
 
 
A son walks into the living room and asks his dad to borrow the car because he has a hot date.
The dad says, 'Sure, as soon as you cut your long hair.'
The boy smiles and thinking he has outsmarted his dad replies, 'Dad, Jesus had long hair...'
And the dad replies, 'Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went too, didn't he?'
tree shark
 
 
What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it drops out of a tree, it'll kill you?

A pool table.

dumb crossing
 
 
A highway patrol officer was driving up a mountain road and saw a car stop on the road. He pulled up behind the car.

As he approched the car he saw a dopey looking guy sitting behind the wheel, staring out the front window. The patrolman asked, "Sir, are you ok? Why did you stop in the middle of the road."

The guy said, "Well, the sign back there said, 'Look out for Deer Crossing.' So I stopped and those dam deer still haven't crossed."

wild irish ho's
 
 
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million."

"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."


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