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what a smart gorilla
 
 
A gorilla walks into a bar. The bartender comes up to him and asks him what he wants. 'A scotch on the rocks, please.' He then lays a 10 dollar bill on the bar. The bartender takes the money and goes to fix his drink. He thinks to himself, 'Hey, this is a gorilla, he doesn't know about the prices of drinks.' and takes 15 cents back. He sets the drink and the money on the bar. Another bartender asks the first bartender about the gorilla and he says: 'Yeah, he's nice. Go talk to him.' The second bartender goes to the gorilla and strikes up a conversation. 'Hey there. Ya know, we don't get too many gorillas in here.' 'Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back.'
bad male drivers
 
 
Bob and Bill are driving down the road going about 85 mph. Up comes a red light and Bob goes right through it.

Bill turnes to Bob and says, 'What the hell are you doing?'

Bob says, 'Don't worry—my brother does it all the time.' So on they go, and — bam! — 85 mph through another red light!

Again Bob says, 'Don't worry, my brother does it all the time!' Then they're driving along and coming up on another red light, and as soon as it turns green, Bob jams on the breaks and skids to a stop!

Bill looks over and says, 'What the hell is wrong with you, you jerk? The damn light is green. Why did you stop?'

Bob says, 'My brother may have been coming the other way!'

a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis
 
 
One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all discussing how much their lives suck.
The cucumber says, "I get picked from my home, sliced up, and thrown a salad. My life sucks the most."

The pickle then says, "I get picked from my home, shoved in a jar, submerged in liquid thats smells awful. So my life sucks the most."

The penis then says, "Oh please! My life definitely sucks the most. I get a tarp wrapped over my head, stuck in a wet black hole, and rammed against a wall until I vomit."

knock knock... banana
 
 
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

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