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how many irishmen does it take...
 
 
How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room spins around.

there was a farmer who grew watermelons.
 
 
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"
for my next trick...
 
 
Q: Did you hear about the magic tractor?

A: It drove down the lane and turned into a field.

what do u do if a blond...
 
 
Q: What do u do if a blond throws a grenade at u?

A: Pick it up and take the pin out and throw it back at her


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