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one-armed man
 
 
Q: How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

A: wave at him.
how to annoy people in an elevator
 
 
1. When the elevator doors close, exclaim loudly 'Don't be alarmed folks, the doors will open again shortly'.

2. Press all of the buttons in the elevator when you get out - especially when other people are still in it.

3. Introduce your imaginary friend. And have a conversation with them.

4. Stand at the front of the elevator, facing the back. [If you are the first person in the elevator to do this, others will probably follow your lead]
5. Exclaim to all in the lift 'Oh, no! It's started raining!' then open your umbrella.

6. Ask everyone what their e-mail addresses are then tell them there's too many dot's in them.
shrewd investment
 
 
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:

"We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

"Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"

constipation
 
 
Did you hear about the new movie 'Constipation?'

It hasn't come out yet.

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