Whatever jokes

Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."

From: General Manager
To: Departmental Heads
'On Friday evening at 5 p.m., Halley's Comet will be visible in this area—an event which occurs only once every 76 years. Please have the employees assemble in the park area outside the building and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the employees in the canteen and I will show them a film of it.'
===========================================
From: Departmental Heads
To: Deputy Departmental Heads
'By order of the General Manager on Friday at 5p.m., Halley's Comet will appear above the area outside the building. If it rains, please assemble the employees and proceed to the canteen, where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only every 76 years'
===========================================
From: Deputy Departmental Heads
To: Superintendent
'By the order of the General Manager, at 5 p.m. on Friday, the phenomenal Halley's comet will appear in the canteen. In case of rain in the area outside the building, the General Manager will give another order, something which occurs only once every 76 years.'
===========================================
From: Superintendent
To: Foreman
'On Friday at 5 p.m., the General Manager will appear in the canteen with Halley's Comet, something which happens every 76 years. But if it rains, the General Manager will order the comet into the area outside the building.'
===========================================
From: Foreman
To: Team Leader
'When it rains on Friday at 5 p.m., the phenomenal 76 year old Bill Halley, accompanied by his comets, will drive the General Manger through the area outside the building into the canteen.'

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait for his food.

While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!"

Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"

He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.

A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"

He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??"

"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts."

"The PEANUTS?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

"Yes," replies the waiter, "…they're complimentary."

Q: How does a computer tell you it needs more memory?

A: It says 'byte me'