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three kinds of people
 
 
There are three kinds of people in the world -- those who can count and those who can't.
fat dude
 
 
A fat dude goes to his doctors, because he needed to lose weight.

'I'm at the end of my tether doctor, is there anything you can suggest I do?'

So the doctor examines him and after some prodding and tutting finally suggests that he should spend six months in hospital, with his jaws wired shut.

'Well, OK doctor, it sounds drastic, but I guess that's what I need.'

Anyway, six months go by and the dude comes out of hospital, thin as a rake. He goes round to the doctor's to thank him.

'There's only one problem doctor, you see I was so fat beforehand, that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?'

'Hmm, short of pretty comprehensive plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Take your clothes off a moment.'

So the dude strips down. Then, squeezing it all upwards, the doctor ties it in a ball above his head.

'That's all well and good, doc', the dude said, 'but my navel is now in the middle of my forehead.'

The doctor replies, 'Yes, but you should see what you have got for a collar and tie!'

silly boy
 
 
A little kid walks into a movie theater one day. At the counter, he buys one ticket and then goes in. All of a sudden, he comes back out and buys another one. The man at the counter asks 'Why do you want another one?' The kid replies 'Because that man over there ripped the other one!'
dirtbag
 
 
Q: What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?

A: The dirtbag is on the inside of a vacuum cleaner!

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