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Internet News: We have as our guest today the man whose birthday is the cause of the Y2K predicament, Jesus Christ. What do you have to say for yourself, Jesus?
Jesus Christ: First, let me say that I was terribly flattered to have my birthday turned into the starting date for your calendar.
IN: But isn't it true that your birthday was already being celebrated on December 25th? How is it that our calendar dates from your birthday but January 1st was chosen?
JC: Oh, just a fluke, really. Neither date is correct. It always struck me as funny that, December 25th or January 1st, you choose to celebrate it in the middle of winter. I mean, the shepherds weren't exactly "keeping watch over their flocks by night" in the open fields during winter, were they?
IN: No, I guess they weren't. So, when exactly were you born?
JC: December 28th.
IN: But...
JC: Just kidding. If I told you when I was really born, you would just make another holiday out of it and I think that two birthdays a year are more than enough.
IN: But it will be 2,000 years from the year you were born, right?
JC: That's another thing. There is no year "0" partly because the ancients had no concept of it mathematic-ally but mostly because of all the arguments about whether it would be 0 AD or 0 BC. It became sort of a Y-zero-K situation, so they decided to skip it altogether. One year after 1 BC became 1 AD.
IN: So, year 2000 will actually be your 1,999th birthday.
JC: Well, not exactly. The monk who came up with your calendar used a calculation process called Pentiumnus Calculus to get the starting date. It was close but 5 years off so my human nature is going to be 2,005 years old in the year 2000.
IN: So I guess the whole Y2K problem isn't your fault after all since you were actually born in 5 BC?
JC: 6 BC. Remember to skip year "0".
IN: Ah, yes, sorry. Happy belated birthday, by the way. So, what's in store for the world when the big Y2K hits?
JC: I'm sorry, but I'm not supposed to talk about that. My Father made me promise not to divulge any future events.
IN: Do you think the monk foresaw that we would invent computers just in time for the year 2000 to be a problem?
JC: Perhaps you should interview him. Go easy on him, though. If he had done his calculations right, you'd all be...oops. Almost let that slip.
IN: So, umm, I understand you have a book to plug.
JC: Actually, the Bible has been out for quite a while. I won't ask people to go out and buy a copy since pretty much everyone has one.
IN: And this is Internet News, signing off.
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The stunned priest, replies incredulously, "you did WHAT!"
"I said, I'm 90 years old, and I made love to two eighteen year old women last night for eight hours."
The stern father replies, "boy, I've been waiting all my life for a guy like you. I'm gonna give you a penance like you'll never forget."
To which the voice replies, "Father, you can't give me a penance."
"Why not?" asks the man of the cloth.
"Because I'm Jewish," claims the voice.
The perplexed Father asks, "then why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone!"
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