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tarzan's kipling-esque treatise
 
 
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?

Hark! I shall soon be swimming in a veritable river of pachyderm seed!

old lady & the dollar
 
 

A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum.

"There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"

"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."

the bad belt
 
 
Why did the belt get locked up?

Because he held up a pair of pants.
branch-davidians
 
 
How many Branch Davidians can you fit in a car?

It depends on how big your ashtray is!

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