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gross siamese tongue
 
 
What's grosser than gross?
Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.

What's even grosser than that?
When one of them throws up.

thank the lord!
 
 
There was a guy in the middle of the desert and his car broke down. He started walking and he came to a monastery, where he asked them if he could borrow a mule. The monks lent him one, and they explained that you had to say “Thank the Lord!” to make it go and “Amen!” to make it stop. So the man said, “Thank the lord, thank the lord and thank the lord!” and the mule took off! He was comming to the edge of a cliff and he forgot how to make it stop. Finally, at the very edge he remembered, “Amen!” Tee guy was so releved he shouted, “Thank the lord!”
got to hurt
 
 
Did you hear in the news last night, that a guy living in Florida got his finger run over by a car and died instantly?

Of course, he had his finger up his nose.
trap a polar bear
 
 
Q: How do you trap a polar bear?

A: You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the icehole.


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