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hot lunch
 
 
There were two bums walkin down a road. They both had not eaten in days, and were starving.
As they were walking, they come across a dead dog. One ran to it and scarffed it down, while the other just watched.
After the bum ate the dog, they kept walking. The now full bum asked the other, "How come you didn't fight me for the dog?

He answered, "No reason." So they keep walking.

All of a sudden the bum who ate the dog threw up. The other bum smiled in delight and said, "See, that's what I've been waiting for! A HOT meal!

sticky & wet
 
 
What goes in hard and comes out sticky and wet?

Bubble gum, you sicko!
parachute crap shoot
 
 
Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes.

The president gets one and says, “My country needs me!” and jumps.

The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, “Well, the world needs me, since I'm so smart,” and jumps.

One parachute left and the old man says, “You take it, my life is almost over anyway.”

The little girl says, “No. We both can jump.”

Confused, the man asks, “How?” The little girl says, “The smartest man in the world took my backpack.”

naked olympic pole vaulting
 
 
A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking girl and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby. For whatever reason, she decided to do it.

When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her: "Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?"

The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two.

The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming. "What are you so happy about?" asked her mother. "I totally showed them. Today I didn't even WEAR underwear."


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