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hot lunch
 
 
There were two bums walkin down a road. They both had not eaten in days, and were starving.
As they were walking, they come across a dead dog. One ran to it and scarffed it down, while the other just watched.
After the bum ate the dog, they kept walking. The now full bum asked the other, "How come you didn't fight me for the dog?

He answered, "No reason." So they keep walking.

All of a sudden the bum who ate the dog threw up. The other bum smiled in delight and said, "See, that's what I've been waiting for! A HOT meal!

three men had been stuck on an island...
 
 
Three men had been stuck on an island for ten years.

Just as they were about to give up hope, one of the men finds a magic lamp.

The first man wished to be 10% smarter, and then he was able to make a fire and send morse code smoke signals for help.

The second one wished to be 25% smarter, and suddenly he knew how to build a sturdy raft capable of getting them all off the island.

Then the third man wished to be 50% smarter, and he turned into a woman and walked across the bridge.

hold on a sec
 
 
Q: How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

A: You wave to him.

long, hard and...
 
 
Q: What is long, hard, and filled with semen?

A: A submarine.

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