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rogaine and viagra
 
 
What do you get when you mix Rogaine and Viagra?

Hair that stands straight up on your head!
christmas songs for shrinks
 
 
Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality: We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

Narcissism: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me!

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas.

Paranoia: Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me.

Mania: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town.

Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Going to Cry, I'm Going to Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why!

Obsessive Compulsive: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock

Suicidal: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Passive Aggressive: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (then took away).

final exam
 
 
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

"I don't know why you are bothering. You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

Two hours passed and the professor told everyone to pass in his/her test. The late student is still furiously scribbling and eventually turns in his paper at the end of class.

The professor says, "Sorry, I can't take your paper."
The student asks, "Why not"
The professor answers, "Because it is late."
The student asks angrily, "Do you know who I am?"
The professor looks at the student and shakes his head.
The student yells, "Do you know who I AM?"
The professor responds, "No."
So the student grabs the stacks of tests, shoves his tests in the middle of the pile and nonchalantly walks off.

computer memory
 
 
Q: How does a computer tell you it needs more memory?

A: It says 'byte me'


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