Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » humor 168

Whatever


movie theater mayhem!
 
 
A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, buddy. What's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

"The balcony."

shaky arms hotel
 
 
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.  Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager.  The manager says he'll be right up.  The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"

So he lies down next to the wife.   Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

may i borrow the car?
 
 
A son walks into the living room and asks his dad to borrow the car because he has a hot date.
The dad says, 'Sure, as soon as you cut your long hair.'
The boy smiles and thinking he has outsmarted his dad replies, 'Dad, Jesus had long hair...'
And the dad replies, 'Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went too, didn't he?'
premarital test
 
 
A guy decides it's time he got married. He gives each of his current girlfriends $1,000. One spends $200 on clothes and puts $800 in the bank. Second spends $800 on clothes and puts $200 in the bank. Third puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one did he marry? The one with the big boobs.

Page 169 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»