Whatever jokes

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.

He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife. Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions."

Thanks to her plunging neckline, Berry revealed rather more to her host than she had planned. "My problem is, I've never sat down in this dress," said a blushing Berry as she attempted to cover herself.

Leno's impromptu reply? "My problem is... I can't stand up!"

• Plato: for the greater good. • Karl Marx: It was historical inevitability. • Douglass Adams: 42 • Oliver North: National security was at stake. • Darwin: It was the next logical step after coming down from the trees • Earnest Hemmingway: To die. In the rain. • Saddam Hussein: It was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tonnes of nerve gas on it. • Ronald Regan: I forget. • Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it f-----g wanted to. That's the f----g reason. • Mark Twain: The news of it's crossing has been greatly exagerated. • Mr T: If you saw me coming, you'd cross the road too

Sheep can hear zippers from a mile away.