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topless fat woman
 
 
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.

"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."

captain red shirt
 
 
A ship captain always asks for his red shirt when he sights a pirate ship, and he always wins in battle against them. His first mate asks him why he always wants the red shirt and the captain replies, 'Because if I get wounded, you won't see the blood and you'll keep on fighting.' The next day, a whole fleet of pirate ships attack and the first mate says, 'Give me my brown pants!'
the hired help
 
 
An old man and women owned a farm. The old man died and the woman couldn't handle the farm by herself so she was going to hire someone to help her. The only job applicants were the town drunk and a new guy in town, who was gay. So she chose the gay guy; they worked together for a week or so and got the farm back together.

The old woman was pleased with the work and worn out, so she decided to give herself and her hired hand the night off. Both went out to dinner, she with her friends and he with his. But when the old woman got home, he wasn't there. When he finally came in, she told him, “I'm your boss so you have to do what I tell you.”

The gay guy said, “Okay.”

So she said, “Take my shoes off,” so he did.

She said, “Take my stockings off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my dress off,” and he did.

She said, “Take my bra off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my panties off,” so he did.

Finally, she said, “You leave this house wearing my clothes one more time and you're fired.”

doorprize
 
 
Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush.

'What the hell is this?' he asks the pastor.

'Why, it's a toilet brush.'

'Ooh, I see,' says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working.

'Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper.'


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