Whatever jokes

1. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
   'Cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.
2. Why does the bride always wear white?
   Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
3. Why do women fake orgasms?
   Because they think men care.
4. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
   Made her chain too long.
5. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
   Phone her.
6. How many men does it take to open a beer?
   None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
7. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
   They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
8. What are the three fastest means of communication?
   1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tell a woman
9. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
   After 10 years the job still sucks.
10. What should you give a woman who has everything?
    A man to show her how to work it.

A lady came to his tomato stand and said 'how much are these tomatos?' The man said 'Only fifty cents'. Than she asked 'are they fresh?' The man said 'Very, very fresh'. She then asked, 'Can I buy one?' The man said, 'Not today maybe tomorrow.'

A thief comes and said 'I'm a thief how much money do you have?' The Tomato Seller said, 'Only fifty cents'. The thief said, 'Are you being fresh with me?' The Tomato seller said 'Very, very fresh'. The thief said 'Alright, that's it. I'm going to shoot you.' The Tomato Seller said 'Not today maybe tomorrow!"

The moral to this story is: If you go to a foreign country, learn as much of the language as possible!'

A: Because he only comes once a year and when he does it's down a chimney.