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star wars -vs- star trek
 
 
12. In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely, if ever, set on 'stun'.
11.The enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp -- the Millenium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
10. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess
still looks fresh and desirable -- after pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looks like hell.
9.Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
8. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
7. One word: lightsabers!
6.The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I.
5.The Death Star doesn't care if the Earth is class M or not.
4. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.
3. Picard pilots through the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at one-quarter inpulse power. Han Solo floors it.
2. Aliens have make-up in other places than their foreheads.
1. Death Star vs. Enterprise!
thanksgiving turkey
 
 
One Thanksgiving a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

Without hesitation my freind knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, 'He gave you the bird!"

divorce
 
 
Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None, because they never get the house!

proud brunettes
 
 
Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?

A: It matches their mustaches.

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