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constipation
 
 
Why are contipated folks unkind and rude?

'Cause they don't give a crap!

hang man
 
 
A boy comes running into the kitchen and says, "Mommy, mommy! Grandpa hanged himself in the living room!"

His mother runs into the living room, and sees no one there. Angrily, she says, "Listen. You should never lie like that to me again, do you understand!?!"

"I'm sorry," says the boy. "I was just kidding. He hanged himself in the basement."

shop at walrusmart
 
 
What do a walrus and tupperware have in common?

They both like a tight seal!

don't got milk?
 
 
What do you call a cow that won't give milk?

A milkdud!

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