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poppa is a brand new bag
 
 
Yo' daddy's so ugly, when he looked out the window he was arrested for mooning!
the lyin' king
 
 
What's the difference between Simba and O.J. Simpson?

One's an African lion, and the other's a lion African.

motor pool
 
 
The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational. Jim answered, 'We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in.' There was a stony silence for a second or two.

'Do you know who you are speaking to?'

'No,' said Paddy.

'It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.'

'Well, do you know who you are talking to?'

'No,' roared the colonel.

'Well thank goodness for that,' said Paddy as he hung up the phone.
top 13 never heard at daytona 500
 
 

13> "None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth."

12> "Tampax! Get your Tampax here!"

11> "Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!"

10> "Sex with your sister!? Man, that's sick."

9> "My GOD, this is a splendid Merlot!"

8> "Hey, you with the large breasts — out of the way! We're trying to watch a race here!"

7> "Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attaché case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone."

6> "What a coincidence, Hank — all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too!"

5> "These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert!"

4> "Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor..."

3> "Whew! No more beer for me, fellas..."

2> "Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley."

1> "...and now, singing our national anthem — international recording artist Boy George!"


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