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man's best friend
 
 
Two guys are watching a dog lick its balls and one says "Man, I wish I could do that." The other guy says, "Really? I think I'd just pet him first."
amish jobs
 
 
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A. A mechanic!

hi-steppin' mama
 
 
Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on the dog's tail we had to change his name to Beaver.
memory fails
 
 
A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

'May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why.

"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"

"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"


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