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yo mama so dirty...
 
 
Yo mama so dirty, she made Right Guard go left.
marine arse-whompin'
 
 
A ship of Marines is sailing along one day when they come upon an island where a sailor is lounging under a tree. The sailor sees the ship and starts taunting the Marines, saying he could kick any one of their asses.

The captain is angry at this, and sends one of his best men over to teach the sailor a lesson.

In front of all of his shipmates, the sailor swiftly beats the crap out of the Marine, knocking him out cold. He then looks back at the rest of the men and yells that he can kick all of their asses.

The captain, now steamed, sends over 20 of his men to take care of the sailor.

The sailor sees them all coming and quickly jumps to the other side of a hill. The Marines follow.

A loud ruckus ensues and one Marine, badly beaten, comes back over the hill and gasps, "Sir, it's a trap! There are TWO of them!"

oh, those wacky sharks
 
 
What did one shark say to the other?

Airline food is sure bad these days.
25 fun pool activities
 
 
1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.
3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, 'Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....'
9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10) Swim near someone and go 'Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here.'
11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say 'HA-HA, fooled you!'
13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board.
14) Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
15) Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool.
16) Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
17) Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
18) Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
19) When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.
20) Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say 'Wheee! I'm Batman!' while running around.
21) Hit strangers with your wet towel.
22) Throw people's things into the pool.
23) Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grand-finale.
24) Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
25) Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.

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