Whatever jokes

1. Women got off the Titanic first.
2. Women can scare bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Women can be groupies. Men groupies are called "stalkers."
4. Women can cry and get off speeding tickets.
5. Taxis stop for women.
6. Free dinners, free drinks, free movies. Do the math.
7. A new lipstick can give a woman a whole new lease on life.
8. No one has to know if a woman forgets to shave.
9. Women can congratulate their teammates without ever touching their rear.
10. Women never regret piercing their ears.

She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.

Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"

Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.

Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."

"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"

Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.

"Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher.

"Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies.

"Yes."

"Do farts have lumps?"

"No. Why do you ask."

"Well, then I've definitely pooped in my pants."

Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted. When she was finally revived, she nervously showed her neighbor the message, which read: 'Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here.'