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oscar meyer
 
 
Q: How come Frankenstein couldn't have kids?

A: Because he had a hollow weenie!
pantyhose
 
 
Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?

A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
god made eve first
 
 
In this world God made Eve first and one day he came to the Garden to check on her. So he asks her how is everything going. Eve says everything is wonderful except one thing-the third breast he gave her it is a real pain in the ass. When she is playing with her breast she only has two hands and when she is running she can only hold up two breasts--could he please do something to help her?

So God says no problem-he reaches down and pulls the breast off and tosses it under a bush. Eve is very thankful.

When God checks in on Eve a while later she is happy with her breasts but is lonely. She points out that all the animals have a partner to be with so why can't she.

"Well," God says, "When I made you I used all the human parts I had there is nothing left to make a man with. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do."

Well, Eve says, what about the useless tit that you threw under the bush?

sixthings not to say at a funeral
 
 
1. I think the parking meter is running out, I'll just...

2. How can we be sure they didn't switched the coffin?

3. Don't worry, in one yaer we'll laugh at this!

4. You know, your wife owed me 50$, I don't suppose you could...?

5. Shout: THE LAST ONE AT THE RECEPTION IS A ROTTEN EGG

6. To the next of kin: So I guess you're not busy tommorow, could you help me move some stuff out of my apartment?

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